You're An Angel With A Haunted Heart
by TheFandomMuncher
Summary: The angels have fallen. Gabriel has returned in all his non trickster/angelic passion into Sam's life, Dean and Cas are on a case and something is really wrong with the world. It's up to Gabriel to try to figure it out, even if he uses up all his minimum power, even if he drains himself dry, he has to figure it out. - future lemons - please review if you like it -
1. Chapter 1 - The First Step

There was a conflict inside Gabriel as he stared at the door to the Winchester's. He gulped, suddenly feeling nervous, his hands clammy and cold. He was going on a hunch that the Winchester's were indeed here. That was all. That was what he'd been told by the voice. He'd been notified the second he'd been revived by the unknown voice that the apocalypse had indeed been stopped by the Winchester brothers, and he'd been directed to where he had to find them. It was easy really, the reality laid out for all to see, and Gabriel thanked the voice, feeling that it was somewhat familiar and yet also distant. Father, perhaps?

Gabriel had died yes, he'd been stabbed by his own brother, but somehow for reasons he wasn't told, he'd been revived, brought back to life just in time to see his brothers and sisters fall like confetti onto the earth. He almost wished he hadn't been brought back. He remembered collapsing against the tree as he watched, his legs weak and somewhat not quite as strong as he'd anticipated. Certainly different than when he'd been an angel.

He hoped that Sam and Dean were in, there was a pretty pristine Chevy Impala on the path, if that wasn't a give-away Gabriel didn't know what was. Besides if they weren't home then he'd be stuck out in the frosty air for a while longer, and he felt cold and his stomach ached for food, something he was accustomed to at least _wanting, _his fellow fallen angel siblings wouldn't be and they wouldn't understand that they needed to eat.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, he'd save them, he'd find them all and he'd save them, it was the least he could do for his younger siblings, he was an archangel, he had to be able to do something for them. His hand reached out to knock but his hand trembled, as a trickster he'd been able to hide away, he'd been safe and sound and...and he could do everything and anything he wanted but not now. Now he was vulnerable, a target, easy to kill and he felt somewhat scared of that enormous prospect, I mean what was more terrifying then being human for something that once wasn't? He was to be in Sam and Dean's hands now, and he wasn't quite sure if he'd made the right decision, but they had good hearts, no matter what their methods were. He didn't feel exactly comfortable being in their hands, after all he had made their lives hell for a while, when he'd been up to his trickster gimmicks. He chuckled a little at the thought, retracted his hand before running it down his face, was he really going to do this?

His resolve was running weak at the moment, and he couldn't help but shove his hand into his pocket to pull out the candy that had always _always _been there, and when his hand came back out empty he felt like crying, he needed candy to keep his calm, that's what he needed right now.

Candy...and maybe some sex. Wait..._some _sex, some sex just would not be enough for him right now, he needed it all. "Priorities Gabriel..." He mumbled to himself, he paused though when he heard noises, the sound of talking was coming closer from behind the door. He would never admit to his utter panic and he truly did panic; he scrambled from the door, unsure what to do, should he look like he just arrived or should he just hide and wait for the perfect moment?

He ended up inside a bush, desperately trying to not rustle the leaves, he peeked out as he watched the door open slowly, his eyes widening a little at the sight of his former little bro, the Winchester's very own angel, Castiel. Something in his chest clenched awfully hard at the sudden sight of Cas, '_was it his heart?'_, he seemed to be wearing something akin to what he liked to call 'the Winchester special' which consisted of tartan shirts and wait...was that one of Dean's jackets?

He didn't really have any time to deliberate the idea as suddenly a chuckling Dean made an appearance, his face older than it had looked the last time he'd cast eyes on the older Winchester, and yet beneath that pained exterior there was _something, _something so bright that it shone past the cracking hard surface, even in Gabriel's human form, he could feel the ghostly light, the power that this soul emitted.

The sight seemed to make Gabriel smile himself, he felt content, he felt _happy _for Dean and for Cas because they were happy.

So then where was...?

"Alright, alright! I'll call you when we get there, I expect that information by the time we get there though Sammy," there was a pause in Dean's speech as he laughed at the presumed scoff and presumed bitch face number 4 that Sam offered in reply. Dean was grinning when he turned to walk towards the even more so sleek Impala, Castiel behind him, "See you soon Sam." Gabriel watched the exchange from his bush, it was strange for him to watch the conversation, if it could be called that, because Castiel had turned out to be one of the most human of all the angels, the most brave and definitely one of Gods best creations. At times he seemed possibly even more human then the two boys near him.

Gabriel almost wished he'd created Castiel himself, or rather...he thought about it momentarily and then shook his head gently, maybe not. Although if he had created him, he would have definitely given Cas a sex drive, that would have been essential to his creation.

Gabriel glanced back at the now moving away Impala, urgency peeking in his body as he dived out of the bush towards the enormous figure that was moving rather swiftly back inside.

There was a momentary struggle as Gabriel clamped his arms around one of Sam's legs, holding on tight, much like a child would on their first day of school.

However he was plucked unceremoniously off the tall currently glaring yet still delicious man above him, the former angel stared at his older brothers vessel, his green eyes transfixed by the interchanging colour of Sam's own, he found it mesmerizing and he somewhat wished he could look into those deep currently light green doors to Sam's once dark soul.

"Gabriel?!" The exclamation was loud and woke him from his deepest thoughts and he realized (after a few seconds delay) that Sam had him by the collar of his jacket, and he was actually suspended in the air the realization clicked into place, he would have never seen Sam's eyes from that close before.

"Hey...kiddo." He replied somewhat cautiously, waving a little, the action caused Sam's eyes to narrow considerably, and it took all but one second before Gabriel's back was against the grassy wall and a suspicious human was glaring back at him, those large hands of Sam's holding the considerably smaller man there with little force. "Careful there Sammy, I might think you're into me," he joked trying to ease the tension a little, he'd never felt this scrutinized before. It was _terrifying. _

Water was thrown into his face all of a sudden, he spluttered and shook his head, "Holy water? Seriously Sam?" Gabriel snorted staring back at Sam, he knew that Sam knew he had died, but still, the vessel from before would not have withstood a resurrection without _some _sort of holy intervention, plus Gabriel was far too skilled to get caught and possessed by a demon, that was no fun.

"_**What are you**_?" There was a growl in Sam's voice, years of pain and anguish shoved into that resonating husky sound, there was a hint of the pure hunter in the tone 'if you don't tell me I'll torture you until you tell me or I find out' kind of hunter. One of Sam's hands grabbed at Gabriel's small wrist, he pushed the sleeve upwards and there was a flash of silver before Gabriel squeaked at his body's reaction to the now cut skin, he watched the blood trickle down his arm a little before slowly turning back to look at Sam. "I'm no demon Sam. I'm not a shapeshifter or any other type of monster you hunt. It's me. I can back! See! Although...I'm human now. All of us are." He looked intently at Sam, sensing the words tumbling back and forth in his head as he watched the younger Winchester try to make sense of what he was saying.

"But you _**died **_Gabriel. Lucifer _**killed **_you." Sam stated, his gaze positively boring holes into Gabriel's green eyes, he returned the stare to a lesser degree, hoping he'd somehow convinced the young man.

"Castiel came back. He came back a few times. Why is it so difficult to imagine someone bringing me back?" All joviality in Gabriel's voice had disappeared, replaced by the sound of someone a whole lot more sinister, it wasn't the first time Sam had heard the serious tone of former archangel. Gabriel was needed down on Earth, and if he wanted to be really honest with himself he _needed_ Earth too, he'd spent centuries down on the beautiful planet, watching humans grow and adjust and _hurt _and yet he'd watched all their happy faces when something miraculous happened, he had seen their qualities good _and _bad, and he liked the idea of people needing him. Perhaps his Father needed him too.

The Gabriel that Sam seemed most familiar with returned seconds later as he shrugged gently, "Besides, the world needs its Trickster back right?" the hands that held him slowly seemed to let go, before they dropped to Sam's sides swinging lightly.

"You said you're now human?" Sam repeated, his voice sounding tired now, his eyes quickly reflecting an emotion that Gabriel did not know, or perhaps he'd just never felt it.

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_He'd fallen into the abyss of Lucifer's eyes, he'd accepted the death before the blow came. Something inside him wanted to fight against the grip his brother had held him in, but nostalgia of his long and terribly slow past and the time he'd spent in heaven had set in. He remembered the time before he decided to remain on earth, the time he'd spent with Michael and Lucifer, their somewhat playful attitudes back then before all the talk of good and evil, of kneeling in front of the fascinating new creation. They were painful memories. _

_They'd all played tricks on one an other, even Michael; they were creatures born to obey yes, but for some reason Gabriel had a pinch of mischief within the folds of his grace, perhaps it was something that Father had placed there purposely when he thought upon it he decided that yes most likely Father had intended for this mischievous streak. _

_Lucifer had held him like this once before, except back then his grace had been the brightest of them all, even brighter than Michael's, and Gabriel had always been fascinated by the light it emitted. But also those brilliantly beautiful wings that were attached to his older brothers back, whenever the younger less experienced Gabriel saw Lucifer he would touch the tips gently, before clinging to them dramatically whenever his brother would leave him. Lucifer would thus dutifully pat Gabriel's head, saying something along the lines of "Father has called for me dear brother..." and then he'd leave, his own fingers trailing over Gabriel's large golden wings as he flew away._

_Then everything crumbled. _

_God asked them to bow down, to obey the new species he'd let loose on Earth, the species that had something called 'free will' and Gabriel had to stand back and watch his beloved brother disobey. The Morning Star had loved their Father more than any other angel, and it was heartbreaking for the younger archangel to watch that faith, that all consuming adoration that Lucifer had within him begin to crack. That's when Michael began to change also. He fought Lucifer, and made him fall, Gabriel had never seen the furious spark in Michael's grace before or the dark light that tainted Lucifer's pearly wings. He never wanted to see either again. Something that haunted him though was the look that Lucifer had given him, in the height of battle with Michael, he had glanced over at Gabriel who'd hid in the shadows, his grace aching with loss as Lucifer began to slow and Michael speed up, he loved his brothers. But Michael had to win. And no matter how much Gabriel loved Lucifer, Michael was the brother who had to win, as it was said by their Father Michael would not defeat Lucifer just yet, that would be done at a later time. _

_The archangels and other warriors of God watched Michael's outer shell thicken, his humor and playfulness fading with a flap of wings. _

_There were to be no more tricks played in heaven when Michael was around. _

_Gabriel had been the first victim to his scolding, and he'd vowed to never again get caught whilst playing around with one of the younger angels, he'd tried his best to act like the brother Luci had to him. _

_However when he'd been given the chance to send messages down to Earth, to the humans who dominated the land, he rejoiced at the distraction and jumped to the occasion. Earth had turned out to be fun, and Gabriel had decided to remain there, and Father had let him because he was doing some __**good **__whilst having fun. It was perfect. So perfect. _

_He'd heard about the plan for two future brothers, The Winchester's, their future had been so intricately woven into the very fabric of time that not even Gabriel could play around with the time lines. After a while of watching the line of Winchester and Campbell procreate and lead up to the very moment the first fated brother would be born, Dean, Gabriel grew weary of the pain the family went through, and when Sam was born he felt pain envelope his grace, this human had a huge role to play in the vast universe, a brilliant yet tragic role, what an unlucky boy._

_Trickster aside, Gabriel had watched what went on around Mary and John from afar, keeping an eye on the goings on, just to make sure that this somewhat unfortunate couple would play their roles, so that their sons could play theirs. That's all it was really, that's all it ever was, that's what the world was created for, so that it could end. _

_Gabriel hadn't played his role very well in the end, not when he stood there in Lucifer's grasp, his once beloved brother staring at him with such pain and anguish that filled his own grace with distress. _

_He'd gone back, saved the Winchester's and gone back to confront Luci, what did he have to lose other than his life? Honestly if there was anything worth dying for then it was the Winchester's. _

_That's how he ended up here, lost in the darkness of Lucifer's vessels' eyes, he wanted to beg, he wanted to leave here with his grace and vessel intact, but he knew, he knew only too well that he'd die. Gabriel didn't want to die. He wasn't ready to give in like the angels. But apparently his time had come. _

_**Lucifer please. **_

_And then his grace burned up and the magnificent archangel disappeared into the abyss of his father's arms. _

"Welcome home."


	2. Chapter 2 - So Small Yet So Strong

"Course I'm human kiddo, would I look this bad if I was still an archangel? I don't think so!" Gabriel scoffed, grinning up at the large male, but Sam didn't smile, he stared at him a little longer than necessary, scrutinising Gabriel a little more. "If you died Gabriel, then how come you've still got the same vessel, I mean Raphael changed vessel when he got chucked out of it, why haven't you changed? Surely there's someone of his bloodline that fits your grace?" Sam finally asked, his eyes narrowing impossibly more, searching for the answers that Gabriel just didn't have.

"I dunno Sasquatch, that's a difficult one. I like this vessel, I've worn him for a very long time and he was pretty chill with it. Besides I think, I can't be sure though, but when I came back so to say, I was asked whether or not I wanted to keep this vessel. But this guys soul left a looooong time ago, and I kinda like the height difference between you and me, if you catch my drift boy." He winked, nudging Sam a little bit before stepping back, a shiver cascading down his spine before continuing. "Plus there's a large difference between myself and Raphael, at that point in time the angels hadn't fa-" Gabriel stopped speaking, his mouth suddenly dry when the returning memories flooded his brain, if Sam noticed Gabriel's now shaking hands he said nothing, perhaps a gesture of acceptance from the taller younger Winchester.

But Sam's mind was thankfully elsewhere, his tired eyes that held bags upon bags beneath them were evidence enough of his lack of sight, he'd paid no attention to the flirting Gabriel had offered, instead he gestured towards the door. He decided however that when he felt and preferably looked more awake he'd ask Gabriel to explain again how he was here, alive and human, his tired mind revolving around the confusing details.

"I suppose...you're going to be hungry." He sighed, Sam had been looking forward to a week or so alone, without Dean or Cas around, to catch up on some much needed sleep and possibly just relax, that's all he wanted, but apparently that was too much to ask because now he had a super sexual, candy loving former archangel/trickster turned human in his hands.

"Going to be hungry? Kiddo I'm starved already, where's your candy?!" Gabriel exclaimed, grinning at the taller man before brushing surprisingly lightly past him, heading towards the door the men of letters. Sam followed a few seconds afterwards, already tired of the stupidly hyper small man, with one last glance behind him he shut the door, sealing himself inside with Gabriel.

"Whoa." Gabriel exclaimed, "You've done pretty well for yourself Sammy!" He laughed, peeking at Sam over his shoulder, he got a shrug and a mumble in reply, and he wondered briefly if Dean had been looking after Sam at all since they'd last met. "We don't have much food, take what you want from the cupboards." Sam explained as they walked towards the kitchen, his arms gesturing towards the fridge and cupboards before saying "I'm going to go catch up on some sleep, call me if you need me." he turned to leave the wide-eyed man in the kitchen but his steps were interrupted by an unsteady "...Sam...lend a hand to a fallen angel?"

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Somehow there was flour on the end of Sam's nose, and _somehow _there was flour all over Gabriel. They stared at each other, blinking rapidly, both wondering how on earth they came to this. Gabriel chuckled and patted his hands together, attempting to get the flour off them, as he watched it flutter onto the floor something inside his chest squeezed painfully, if Sam saw this small wince of pain he said nothing about it. In the end, after attempting to make pancakes and failing miserably, Gabriel ate a sandwich, with just about everything in it, everything sweet anyway.

Sam yawned and he kept on yawning through the hour that had passed since his initial "I'm going to go catch up on some sleep...", he yawned so much that Gabriel almost felt bad. Almost.

Whilst chewing through his sandwich Gabriel began to think to himself about his situation, sure he was safe at the moment, safe with Sam by his side, but he didn't feel comforted by that fact, his guilt overshadowed any true comfort he felt. '_I'm safe and warm but the others, oh father the others are still out there and I don't know how to find them, how do I save them? Father please. Please. I'm begging you...please.' _Gabriel hadn't cried praise to his father in a long time, he hid behind the trickster, doing good deeds behind a cruel mask, his father must have wanted him to do that, angels don't _have _free will. Especially someone as important as Gabriel.

But Gabriel didn't feel very important now though, he felt lost and lonely, torn apart in ways that he didn't want to experience ever again.

"Sa-" Gabriel looked up from his sandwich to see a fast asleep Sam, leaning against the table, his face squished up in a humorous angle, or rather it would have been, if you didn't see the dark heavy bags beneath his eyes, or hear the almost raspy breath he was emitting. Something told him he knew the reason Sam was so tired, but something also told him to not act so ahead of himself, of course he didn't, he wasn't an archangel any more, he didn't _have _that power any more. But the thought was squirming in his head, and he tried so hard to figure it out, he concentrated until he too yawned.

He devoured his sandwich and practically licked his plate clean before he sat up straight in the chair he'd sat down on earlier, and he stared directly at Sam, and then began reaching his hand forwards towards Sam's forehead.

He paused.

Would Sam class this as violating his privacy? Or would he be cool with it? Gabriel closed his eyes and decided to do it regardless, he _had _to know, he just had to. His fingers brushed aside the soft floaty hair, a sense of calm flooding him as he did so, '_it's going to be alright son...it's okay to be scared Gabriel...it's okay...' _faint flickering images filled his mind, there were so faint that he struggled to comprehend just what they were, colours, he could vaguely make out the colours, '_white...flashes of green...wait was that Dean?...the sense that someone is worried...someone is scared...tubes...Dean...Dean...DE-'. _

The images stopped.

_Drip...drip...drip._

Something was happening, or rather something had happened, something bad, and Gabriel just could not put his finger on it, and it annoyed him like a scratch he couldn't reach to itch. It took him a moment to pull away from Sam, his fingers curling into his fists like a turtle retracting its head, and as he collapsed even wearier against the chair he realised what the dripping noise was and what the wet on his cheeks were.

He'd cried before.

But it hadn't **felt **this way before.

And with that thought for the first time, Gabriel drifted off into a nauseating sleep.

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"Dean." The name that meant everything to Castiel, the name that the universe waited in anticipation for, along with his occasionally troublesome younger brother, Sam. They were on a case though, there was really no time for Dean to be so fast asleep, no matter how childlike he may look, it was 8.00am now. "Dean." He repeated, louder this time, his voice echoing around the motel room, but that's how far his voice went, it didn't travel up to the heavens and speak to the grace filled angels above. Not any more. Not for a long time now.

"Dean, we made an appointment with the coroner for 8.30." He said, his voice dipping low and husky, he felt amused when he watched Dean jolt awake at the sound of his voice. He'd been learning since he met Dean about 'amusement' and how he really needs a sense of humour, Cas did have one, it's just his jokes, like Uriel sounded better in enochian.

"Jesus Cas, let a man sleep!" Came the equally deep reply, thick with sleep and slight confusion, he sprawled out a little more, rubbing his face into the pillow, the movement causing his entire body to shake, a motion noted and placed in the forefront of Castiel's brain, left there for later use.

Cas had been ready 2 hours earlier, his sleeping pattern hadn't quite equalled itself out yet, and he rarely managed a 4 hour sleep, let alone an 8 hour one like Dean always seemed to have. He spent most mornings watching Dean as he slept, just like he did when he was an angel, he felt like somehow no matter how human he now was, he could still protect Dean. He had to protect Dean, his sense of duty to the Winchester's had not diminished from his mind, not at all.

Sam was another matter, and Cas was worried for the younger Winchester, the lack of sleep, the shaking hands and the glassy eyes were enough for Cas to say he was apprehensive about Sam's condition.

Dean would call Sam soon though, whilst away on cases, Dean would always call Sam, and Castiel could still feel the worry and the anxiety flood from Dean, he loved Sam so much, anyone could see that and anyone who couldn't would have to be blind.

"Let's get going Cas."

The door closed behind the swish of a trench coat, his thoughts of Sam remaining in the room, allowing the case to take over.


	3. Chapter 3 - Memories Seep From My Veins

Sam woke up abruptly, his head flying up from the table, hair floating like a thousand butterflies, flour spreading through the air. He regretted the violent action immediately; pain scorched his neck causing the deepest groan to leave his mouth. Sam took in his surroundings slowly, blinking like he was waking up from a hangover, god he was so tired.

The body in front of him surprised the young man, Gabriel appeared to be sleeping soundly leaning against the table top in a way that would put Dean to shame, his arm curled beneath his head, cushioning it from the hard wood. Sam cocked his head to one side, Gabriel looked far too mournful as he slept, his lips were moving swiftly, like he was whispering something and after a moment as Sam leaned in to catch an earful he realised Gabriel was murmuring something in Enochian. His mournful expression made a little more sense to Sam now, even if it did cause his heart to bleed a little for the guy. But then Sam noticed Gabriel's other arm, his hand was flat out on the table, like it was reaching towards him, not quite reaching Sam, maybe Gabriel had pulled it back away from Sam or maybe he just wanted comfort?

Sam shook his head softly, his hair fluttering around his face, and then he actually realised that the flour was still very much in his hair, he looked down at himself and groaned loudly. His clothes would definitely need a wash, and so would Gabriel's now that he looked at him, Sam was sure Dean wouldn't mind _too _much if Gabriel borrowed his clothes for a day or so.

He stood up and stretched his body out, hearing his bones creak and groan loudly under the new pressure, he smiled though, today would certainly be...interesting. He glanced at the clock on the wall, 11am, Dean would call soon and he'd probably ask some probing questions that need answers about the case, but first things first.

Sam needed a shower.

And Gabriel needed a bed.

Sam gathered clothes to change into as he headed towards the shower, he'd be quick he decided; in wash out. Then he would sort Gabriel out, and possibly send him into the shower too, and if he couldn't find another bedroom in this place then Gabriel would just have to take Sam's bed for now. He climbed into the shower, breathing out softly as the hot water splashed against his skin, the water made him feel calmer, it soothed his weary soul, and he stood there for 2 minutes just thinking, his shoulder leaning against the cold wall, he forgot about Gabriel for a moment, he forgot about everything in that moment, he just let the water take him, his mind went blank and he couldn't help but smile at the serenity. It was the first time in a long time he'd been this calm, this tranquil, funny enough it happened to be when the once trickster appeared at his doorstep, the trickster who had caused havoc and hundreds of Tuesdays to occur.

And then just like that, the serenity disappeared and Sam the hunter was back, his feet hit the earth and his head fell from the clouds, he scowled at the wall, before washing himself, getting the flour out of his hair proved tricky though. He however couldn't find it in himself to regret getting into a childish food fight with Gabriel, they were both big kids really, both of them carrying the weight of their families and their brothers on their shoulders, Sam remembered Gabriel's reluctance to stand up to Lucifer and how when he did, he had been murdered. By his own brother.

Granted Lucifer was the devil, but still? He had seen the seen what had happened to Gabriel when he'd said yes to Satan, it was a fleeting memory but horrific all the same. He wondered just what had been going around in Gabriel's head at that moment in time.

Sam climbed out of the shower, damp and positively dripping wet, Gabriel was a tricky guy and a formidable foe. It would be best to try and not intrude too much, despite the amount of questions Sam had yet to ask.

He dried himself quickly and managed to get _most _of the water out of his floppy hair, he didn't have time to properly dry it, he had an ex-angel to look after and a phone call from Dean to expect.

By the time Sam went back to where he'd left Gabriel, doe eyed and all, he was initially surprised to see no one there, the chairs had been pushed in respectfully and the books sorted a little more tidily. Sam almost wondered whether there'd be a note on the table with a simple 'thank-you' written on it, there wasn't any note, but somehow that made Sam feel even more unsure. Yes Gabriel had been one hell of a dick to him and Dean in the past, but now? The poor son of a bitch was human, and very very lost, and Sam only wanted to do something to help the poor bastard along the way.

There was a loud bang that sounded like it came from the kitchen, it was followed by the type of cursing you would not expect a former angel of the lord to speak, Sam quickly made his way over to the room, his pace quick despite knowing that his long legs would get him there quicker than most people. Sam peered around the door, Gabriel was on the floor, leaning against one of the cupboards, his eyes closed and his expression tired.

"Y'know...before I could have just clicked my fingers and it would've all gone, damn it all. Before was so much better, now I'm just a useless human. I can't even fucking summon a candy bar!" His voice broke and his eyes opened, the green hues catching Sam's eyes, he looked close to tears, almost like he had when Lucifer had killed him, and yet...the expression was worse.

"Are you kidding me Gabriel? You find me and tell me how you want to save your brothers and sisters and yet here you are, crying on a kitchen floor! You are not useless damn it! No one is useless! You still have all your knowledge, your memories, everything! You might not have wings any more but you can do some good in the world!" Sam growled, he wasn't sure why he was so angry, maybe he thought that Gabriel sounded too much like a Winchester to be an ex-angel.

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"_Doc! I swear I just saw his hand twitch! Come see! It's okay Sammy, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here Sam. I'm not leaving you."_

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Gabriel blinked slowly, the movement seemed exaggerated, but it was just because Sam was feeling dizzy, feeling far too light-headed to do anything else but stumble forwards a little. He shook his head, wondering just when he'd become so air headed, only since Gabriel had come, it was strange and he didn't like the fact that the mournful man in front of him was causing this new light headed Sam.

It was like Gabriel had this weird control over him. He didn't like it one bit.

"You're right Sam. I'm sorry...I guess it's...-" He paused clambering up off the floor, pointlessly dusting off his dirty trousers, "It's overwhelming and I've never felt this vulnerable before, it's like! It's like..." He displayed his hands wildly around him before pointing at Sam's legs, "It's like someone ripped my legs off me, and I can't move, I'm dragging myself through the mud Sam, and I don't think this feeling is ever going to go away. How am I supposed to walk the road of life and save all my brothers, my sisters? When I can't even tidy a kitchen up without making more of a mess?!"

He was despairing, that much was obvious, what the hell do you even do with an angry and somewhat hormonal wingless ex-archangel? Start singing camp fire songs?

"Cas will be happy to see you." Sam suddenly uttered, breaking the tension in the room like a hot knife going through butter, Gabriel's mouth clamped shut, and the tension drifted from the room flying away from the boys like butterflies.

"You think?" Gabriel whispered, his voice quiet and hoarse, like he'd been crying for hours, but Sam knew better, Gabriel's voice had been thick with emotion, pure unadulterated emotion, hope, bitter-sweet hope.

Castiel may have once been part of the bigger network of angels, but Gabriel was still his brother, and Gabriel had somehow liked the awkward pretty boy angel Castiel had turned into, and he had wished he'd gotten to know the boy before Gabriel's own untimely end. Maybe now he had a second chance, and he could fix everything, and then, _and then _maybe he'd become an 'Honorary Winchester'.

"Yeah, I think he would be. It'll be good for him and I think it'll be good for you too." Sam replied, his fingers clenching and unclenching, their eyes met again, this time Gabriel was first to look away.

"Um...thanks."

"Look, don't mention it, I'll get this cleaned up, you can go hop into the shower, and then we'll figure out what's happening." Sam cleared his throat, pointing down the hall way, "You should easily find it, I mean I left the door open. There are some clean clothes in there for you and a towel, everything else...well it's in there." Gabriel looked unsure for a moment before nodding to himself, his hair bouncing a little at the movement, he moved to leave before pausing next to Sam.

"I'm sorry about the mess, and...thank you again Sam. You're a good..." he paused, considering the word, were they friends? Was that what they were? "You're a good friend Sam." Yes, he decided, yes they were friends.

Then Gabriel left, and Sam remained in the kitchen, dumbstruck by Gabriel's words, he didn't mind too much being his friend, he should be more worried about the implication of being friends with someone as old and (once) ridiculously powerful as Gabriel. And yet, he found himself welcoming the friendship, he briefly wondered what Dean would think of his new friendship. Well, Dean had Cas, Dean would survive. As Cas had once said the bond between Cas and Dean was a more 'profound' bond, compared to the friendship himself and Cas had. Sam didn't mind that much, not really, he just got suspicious of the amount of somewhat awkward eye contact his brother and the awkward trenchcoat wearing ex-angel had.

Sam smiled to himself, a small twitch of his plump lips, before he began to clear up the kitchen, wiping the flour off the floor and off the work surfaces. It was kind of endearing that Gabriel had tried to clean up, despite his breakdown, Sam decided that Gabriel would make a good human.

His phone rang suddenly, causing Sam to jump right out of his skin. That'd be Dean then.

He left the kitchen to find just where he'd put the thing, it was on the table top, next to a large pile of books and a few empty beer bottles. He picked it up, wondering if he should tell Dean now, or wait for him to come back and throw the surprise at him then.

"Dean?" He questioned, waiting for his older brother to reply, his fingers tapping on the table, nervous tapping.

"Sammy! Aha, you sound rough man, drink yourself to sleep last night? Miss me that much?" Dean was mocking him, yet he still made a bitch face down the phone, and Dean knew it. "No you jerk I'm just tired. Anyway, need me to do any research on your case?" He decided to get pleasantries out of the way first, then move onto the real issue.

"Actually no, it's alright me and Cas have it sorted, Cas is just coming back from the local historic society building thing. But man you should have seen the coroner, she was _hot_." He rolled his eyes at his older brother, trust Dean to say something like that.

"Listen Dean...something...ah happened when you and Cas left." Sam began, unsure of how to start the story of how the very dead archangel Gabriel just appeared on their doorstep.

"What happened?" All laughter disappeared from Dean's voice, he sounded serious, worried and protective.

"You remember Gabriel right? As in, yes Dean, as in the archangel Gabriel who Satan killed. Well he appeared at the doorstep yesterday, just after you le-"

"I thought all the angels fell? And how the heck is that son of a bitch alive?!" Dean interrupted, his voice dipping lower than normal, like he didn't want someone to hear what he was saying.

"He's human Dean. Very human, like full on, human. He wants to help his brothers and sisters, which I get, so I uh...said he could stay for a couple days...?" Sam asked tentatively, hoping Dean would be okay with it, Dean would just have to be okay with it.

"Oh jeez Sammy. Let the trickster into our home why don't you?" Dean retorted, it was a weak retort though, and Sam knew that he was off the hook for letting someone as powerful as Gabriel into their lives again.

"Dean he's _human._" Sam interrupted, but he could barely get a word in.

"Listen, I want him there when Cas and me get back, I want to question him about some stuff, yeah okay hang on Cas, oh damn it. Right Sam I gotta go, duty calls. See you in a few days.." The call ended abruptly and Sam blinked, was Dean in some sort of trouble? Well it wouldn't really be anything new, would it? Perhaps Cas had found some interesting information, almost instantly Sam was curious, Dean hadn't really elaborated on what the case really entailed.

He lowered the phone from his ear and placed it carefully on the table, there was certainly something strange going on, but Sam couldn't decide if it was good or bad. He pulled a chair out and sat down heavily, it was 10.32am, time to start reading through these books, at least until Gabriel left the bathroom and dragged his short ass here.

The quest for knowledge continues, whether or not Sam follows its rules.


	4. Chapter 4 - To Hell With My Pride

"Why'd they fall?" Gabriel asked after he'd settled down in the chair opposite Sam, his hair was damp like Sam's, the clothes that Sam had leant him despite being Dean's were still far too big for the small guy. His face displayed the kind of emotion that he would have never revealed to Sam before he'd died, his voice was the same in the way that it croaked almost like he'd be unable to complete a full long sentence. Sam watched him with sad eyes, contemplating the answer he would have to give.

"Metatron. It was Metatron." And Cas not seeing the danger, he'd thought he'd been doing the right thing, it seemed to be that's what all angels thought, Sam felt the anger begin to simmer beneath his skin.

"Oh. So he finally cracked?" He laughed coldly, his eyes finding Sam's, despair shining within them, beneath the table Gabriel's fingers clenched into fists, his breathing got heavier when Sam said nothing, instead choosing to nod.

Five minutes later Sam's whispering voice was heard.

"Cas went off the rails, he _lied _continuously to Dean and me, granted he was being controlled. You remember Naomi? I'm _sure _you already know what she was doing though, right Gabriel? I mean her duty was ordered by the archangels themselves, and hey you were one of them! Cas told me and Dean everything." Sam was getting angrier with the situation by the minute, he wanted to lash out at the world, at Gabriel, he was so tired, so pissed off, that he just didn't care all too much any more. "I was busy though, I had my own pain to live with, I was doing the 3 trials, I was-"

"Trying to shut the gates of Hell." Gabriel interrupted, he sounded somewhat breathless, he was intrigued by Sam's retelling of the fallen angels, but...he hadn't been the one to give the order to riffle around in the angel warriors heads.

That had been Michael. But Gabriel knew by the stubbornness of the Winchester gene he would barely get a word in if he tried to interrupt again.

"Yes, Dean was trying so hard to keep it together, god it was surreal but we tried, at least we tried right? Metatron played us all, it hit Cas pretty hard actually, I sometimes still hear him wake up and scream, but Naomi had done a bad one on his head, 'fiddling with his noodle' was what he'd said. Everything happened so quickly really, it was amazing how fast something like that could happen, but Metatron had made Cas do all his dirty work, heart of a Nephilim, a cupids bow and well...Cas' grace." He paused to breathe, a hand sliding down his face, the memories of that time were blurry, and it gave him a headache if he tried to concentrate for too long on trying to get it somewhat more HD.

"You know what the last trial was? Curing a demon, the trial that would have killed me, if Dean hadn't stepped in." Sam's eyes flickered upwards and Gabriel noted the watery essence in them.

"I wish he hadn't." The whisper seemed far too loud, it felt like it echoed around the room, coating both men with unwanted emotion, Gabriel didn't want to hear any more, he didn't want to hear that Sam wanted to be the ultimate sacrifice, he didn't want to hear that. He didn't have a choice though.

Sam was quiet for a minute or so, a raspy breath filled the room and it's shaky disposition was all that Gabriel needed to hear.

Sam was _crying_.

"You don't mean that." Gabriel mumbled, his hands now resting on the table tops, fingers playing with themselves as he cocked his head to one side.

"Please, Sam tell me you don't mean that." If Gabriel had thought he'd been on the end of the worst bitchface the night he died, then he'd been very very wrong. He flinched at the cold look on Sam's face, but he knew that at the moment Sam was trying to keep it together, keep all of his emotions in check.

"Gabriel. You remember when you wanted Satan to wear me to the prom? That would have ended in my death, don't you dare tell me that now you think any different. Don't you dare." The icy tone was cruel and Sam seemed to be on the verge of punching him, and now that Gabriel was human he really didn't fancy getting Sam's fists in his face. No thank you!

"I changed my mind, remember? I went back Sam. Besides that was ages ago, I mean I've been dead for a while haven't I? You must have been through a lot during that time, tell me more about that, I want to hear it." He was determined to get Sam off the topic of death, or at least the idea of Sam dying, for some reason the thought gave him butterflies and an ache in his heart.

"I...why? What does it matter?" Sam replied, that tired disposition returning, his mouth seemed to be in a permanent straight line, didn't this guy smile any more?

"Cause I want to hear, c'mon kiddo, try and keep your guest occupied." He smiled, somewhere along the line he wished that Sam would keep him occupied in a rather _different _way. But that could wait for a while.

Heart-to-heart first, sex later? Gabriel chastised himself after that thought, Dean would kill him if he felt up the adorable younger Winchester. Then again, what exactly did Gabriel have to lose?

"I went to hell, Cas brought me back...without my soul, Crowley had it. So I spent something like half a year walking around empty inside here," he touched his chest, a heavy sigh reaching his lips, "I did a lot of bad things, and Dean tried to keep me safe, keep everyone else safe too. Then Death grabbed my soul and I had it shoved right back into me, a wall was placed around my memories of Hell. Cas brought it tumbling down as a warning to Dean and me, he became...God. There were Leviathan's and shit just went down and everything crumbled and broke and we lost more people. We lost Bobby. We lost Rufus. God we just...it's like everyone we know just dies." Sam slouched in the chair now, his hand stretched out and his fingers tapping gently against a book cover.

"The family motto," he laughed, the sound was empty, void of all happiness, "Saving people...hunting things. We can't save anyone. Everyone we do ends up dying. Crowley went after those people we saved years ago, and we couldn't save them. _I _couldn't save them." There was the essence of heartbreak in his voice, he'd lost people he'd cared deeply about then? A woman? Gabriel felt oddly jealous, his didn't like this feeling and how it covered his heart in an ugly darkness.

"Don't do that to yourself Sam. You _can _save people. You know you can. Hell you have. I mean of course people are going to crack along the way, look at what you do for a living Sam, it's a wonder you're not in a friggin mental hospital right now." Gabriel's voice sounded oddly hollow to his own ears, he wondered why, and if possibly it was the jealously that had affected him so badly.

Suddenly though curiosity overthrew Gabriel's control.

"Is there something going on between Dean and Cas?" Sam looked up sharply at the question, a soft smile abruptly appearing on his face, apparently Gabriel had asked the correct question.

"Well, I've tried talking to Dean about it, but Dean is being...Dean. It's a pain in the ass to get anything out of him that he considers somewhat a fallibility. They're awkward around each other, like their trying their best to avoid each other but it just really doesn't work out. God Dean's such a dumbass, you can _see _how much Cas cares about him." Some of the energy that had been hidden away in Sam rose to the surface and he was shining brightly again, because this was something normal people talked about, and it was so normal, so amazing for him to talk about something not connected to a case or someone dying. Gabriel watched the transformation take place with a look of amazement in his eyes, asking the right question could do wonders apparently.

"He's my brother and I want Dean to be happy. God knows he deserves it. He deserves all the happiness in the world, he's been through far too much." Sam commented quietly, he meant it, he wanted Dean's happiness more than his own, because Dean had sacrificed far too much for him already. Gabriel abruptly looked up at Sam, realising something that caused his entire being to ache all over.

"And you Sam? Don't you think you deserve happiness too?" Gabriel prompted, a frown spreading across his face, and he watched Sam's face crumble at the thought.

"No...I. I think I've done enough." Sam murmured, looking down at the table his fingers ceased their tapping and the room was filled with a heavy silence from the bombshell Sam had dropped on Gabriel.

"Why am I even telling you all this stuff?!" Sam cried out, shattering the silence, he stood up, anger radiating from him, something Lucifer would have been proud of Gabriel was sure.

"Because you need someone to talk to, because Dean won't listen to you right?" Gabriel exclaimed, and he watched as Sam's fight drained again, he fell back into the chair with a loud thump, before he dropped his head onto the table.

"I'm tired of fighting Gabe. I'm so tired." Gabriel blinked at Sam's shaking shoulders, he'd just been called Gabe, somehow that made the jealous feeling from earlier dissipate, instead a warm fuzzy feeling surround him like a blanket.

"You just called me Gabe..." He mumbled, fiddling with a book cover, a soft pink dusting Gabriel's cheeks, he'd never felt like this before, like a teenage girl finding out her crush was staring back at her.

Sam had given a nickname to _him_.

And it felt way more intimate than Gabriel ever wanted to admit.

"I guess I did yeah..." Sam glanced up at Gabriel, confused by the doting sound in the wingless trickster and the pink dusting around his cheeks. Gabriel scratched the back of his head nervously, feeling under a certain amount of scrutiny from the hunter.

"Would you prefer I didn't? I mean it's just easier to say is all..." Sam smiled, and wondered briefly how they ended up at this point. The point where in a movie where you'd cringe at the cheesy scene, but somehow feel warm inside, because you know these two people are just _waiting _to do the dirty. It was the part Gabriel always smirked at, cause he knew what was happening. Course he knew what was happening, he'd done it more than a thousand times, with people he'd known everything about in the blink of an eye, and yet despite knowing Sam, he still felt that he didn't 'know' him, not well enough in the slightest. Because Sam surprised him, Sam surprised everyone, most of all the angels. He wasn't predictable, and that happened to be one of the things Gabriel liked about him, after the whole fiasco with the Lucifer thing of course.

"No, it's fine kiddo." He winked at the young Winchester, before slapping his hands against the table top and standing up, to Sam though it didn't really make much difference.

The guy was short, what the hell was Sam supposed to think?

"So basically..." Gabriel twirled around the table, stepping closer to Sam, "Sasquatch. In the years I was 'dead', a whole load of shit happened. You could have just said that without getting all angsty y'know? Buuuut, it's just like you, and you know it's kinda sweet..." Gabriel settled against the tabletop leaning heavily in Sam's direction, the poor boy looked confused. After a moment of painfully simple staring Sam glanced to one side, before looking back to Gabe, pursing his lips a little.

"I don't see where you're going with this Gabe...?" It was at that moment that Gabriel wanted to die. Again.

Just how thick were these Winchester's, there was Dean and the there was Sam, both wouldn't be able to see the obvious it seemed unless it smacked their ass's. And let me tell you, Gabriel was more than prepared to do that.

It was the faraway look in Sam's wonderful eyes that stopped him, made him hesitate in continuing the flirting, there was no point in trying anything if Sam wasn't right there in the room with him, both physically and mentally. Sam would have been another notch on the bedpost before, Gabriel would have seen him as a challenge, a conquest, and the prize was Sam's elongated body for Gabriel to enjoy to the maximum. Now that things had changed Gabriel decided that Sam would never just be another prize on the shelf, another feather for his wings, he would be...nothing. Because Sam wasn't something that Gabriel or _anybody _for that matter could win, instead the trickster wanted to be Sam's.

What an odd thought, Gabriel chastised himself a little, he'd never been anybody's but his fathers before, even then he'd been a messenger, a warrior angel, not the object of Daddy's love. He hadn't minded like Lucifer had, he was cool with the whole, 'I made these and I want you to watch over them, love them, care for them', he readily accepted the order. But now he wanted to be like the humans were to the angels who did initially bow, he wanted to be adored and loved by the very hunter who sat next to him, watching him closely.

Gabriel just wanted to be loved, and he had no objections if Sam agreed with him, and if Sam didn't then well...Gabriel decided with a heavy and somewhat shaky sigh that he'd get outta town asap. If not only to leave behind the heartache he knew would follow. He'd seen enough movies about that crap to know that it was not good to get and that he will need copious amounts of ice cream to get through it.

He was thinking way ahead of what was going on though, like he always used to.

"I...I'm going nowhere with this Sam, try not to get those panties of yours in a twist." Gabriel hummed, "So, when's Dean-o and Cassie coming back?" he twirled his fingers through a lock of his hair, trying his best to look interested but feeling a little defeated by the lack of emotional response to his flirting from Sam.

Maybe he'd lost his charm.

Well damn, that was at least 75% of his personality, Gabriel shuddered at the thought of that much of him disappearing, it was then that he realised Sam hadn't said anything, he was just...staring.

"What?" Gabriel smirked, it felt strange on his face, and he realised after a moment that he was feeling _uncomfortable _of all things, he should be feeling the exact opposite. Apparently he really was losing his charm because Sam turned away from him, a disinterested look on his handsome face.

"Nothing." Sam paused, "They come back in a week or so, depends how long they wait to salt and burn the son of a bitch." There was something he wasn't telling Gabriel, and at the moment Gabriel wasn't sure whether or not to be worried about it. He'd ask later, hopefully.

There was silence once again, as if they had nothing left to talk about, and yet despite how awkward Gabriel knows he should feel, it becomes somewhat comfortable. His closeness to Sam was becoming intoxicating yet it felt so _good_, Sam was the only person who'd ever seen Gabriel this vulnerable, the only one who'd properly witnessed what was beneath the bravado and obnoxious attitude. It was a scary realisation, but he would rather it be Sam than anyone else, because anyone else would have kicked him right back out, sending him falling with style back onto the street.

"Sam...err thank you. Y'know for not chucking me out." Gabriel murmured, scratching the back of his still damp hair, soon though Gabriel had this impending feeling that this good feeling wasn't going to last any longer then candy floss.

He dreaded what was to come.


End file.
